How Your Mask Is Just Like Your Undies. And how it’s not.
Masks are the new form of self-expression in 2020. This list written by an Emergency Room doctor describing how masks and underwear are uncannily similar is hilarious.
- Both masks and underwear exist to contain badness. Neither works 100%, but they’ll curb the worst of the spill.
- Don’t borrow someone else’s, no matter how cool they look.
- Keep them on around strangers, unless you’ve both been tested.
- Cotton breathes better than polyester.
- If they don’t fit well, you’ll be chafing.
- Wear them both when you visit grandma.
- They stink at the end of the day. They need frequent washing.
- They’re affordable and a worthwhile investment.
- The lighter they are, the better you breathe.
- Adjusting them in public is a no-no.
- They’ll cover your cold sores and droopy assets, making you more attractive.
- Taking them off counts as foreplay.
- They’ll cover the drools and the drips.
- You shouldn’t stick your nose out of either.
- They won’t silence you. From MAGA to BLM, they help with your self-expression.
- They cover revealing body language: your mask hides your smirk, your underwear hides it whenever your flag rises to salute foreign territories.
- If you’re looking for extra excitement, you can get them see-through.
- They help block bad smells.
- It’s always a good plan to have a spare.
- For both: cleaner is better.
- They showcase your personality. Granny’s whites are to red lace thongs what an N95 is to a gauzy rainbow.
- They only work if you wear them.
- In extreme situations, you can switch.
- In 2020, they’re both highly recommended.
- It feels wonderful to take them off at the end of the day.
- While nobody cares about your undies, everybody cares about your mask.
- Masks are more effective than undies as fashion statements.
- Your undies never saved a life.
- It’s hard to make a political statement by underwear alone.
- Your undies are for yourself, but your mask is mainly for the others.
To read more of ER physician Dr. Rada Jones' medically-inspired humor visit www.radajonesmd.com